Starring Andy Griffith...
With Ronny Howard.
Also starring Don knotts.
Sandwich sure hit the spot. Didn't it, though?
I was about to starve to death.
I don't know about you.
Good fishin' hole, though.
We ought to try to slip over there again.
Let me see them pretty things one more time.
Boy, you did do all right.
Sure, three trout and two perch.
Yeah, together with what me Opie got,
we can have a fine fish fry.
And don't forget what Barney will be bringing in.
That's right. Where is that boy?
Hey, Barney!
Barney!
What? Come on!
Him and that secret hole of his.
For crying out loud, you leaving so soon?
Well, it's about time.
We've been here three and a half hours.
You do all right at that secret place?
Yeah. Seems awful light.
I done all right. Well, let's see.
I said I done all right.
Well, what did you catch, perch or trout? Oh!
The trouble with you barbers is you're always
sticking your nose in other people's business.
Barney, you know we agreed to pool our catches
for the fish fry... Now, let us see it.
We'll see it sooner or later.
Oh, boy, I bet your pole was just a-bendin'
and a-quiverin' over that.
A real monster of the deep!
Are we going? Let's go.
Old frog man.
Oo-wee, did you see that?
Speed limit along here is 45.
That car was doing 70!
Come on!
Get in!
Sheriff Taylor.
Is something the matter?
Yes, ma'am.
May I see your driver's license?
"Something the matter"?
That's a good one.
"Elizabeth crowley,
Washington, D.C."
You don't set a very good example
for somebody that lives right in the capital of
the United States, do you? You were speeding.
I was?
Yes, ma'am.
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to.
It's these new cars.
They make the engines so powerful.
One little touch and they just... zoom!
I guess you have to watch out for that, all right.
Thank you.
In the future, I'll be much more careful.
Yeah.
Wait, hold on now.
I'm glad you're going to be more careful in the future,
but I got to give you this ticket for the present.
But this says to appear next week.
Sorry, ma'am.
Officer, I'm in a great hurry.
I just finished a job for my magazine
and I've got to get back to the office.
Couldn't we just forget it this time, officer?
Hmm?
I'm sorry, ma'am.
Oh, I see.
I've run into one of those small-town speedtraps.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, I've heard about them.
You just lie in wait
for the first out-of-state car you can bleed.
We don't have speedtraps in mayberry.
We don't operate that way.
You have a justice of the peace in mayberry?
Yes, ma'am.
Then I'd rather
discuss this with him.
If you don't mind.
I don't mind.
Court's in session.
You?
Deputy fife, what's the charge here?
Doing 70 in a 45-mile zone.
Well, the fine for that is, oh...
Ten dollars ought to do it.
Ten dollars?
That's the usual fine.
Oh, I'm not fighting it.
I'm just surprised it's so low.
After all, when you have a fool-proof system...
What do you mean, "fool"
oh, come on, now.
When the arresting officer
is also the man who tries the case,
I have a feeling you don't lose too often.
Whoa, now, hold on there, just a minute.
You wouldn't by any chance be insinuating
that this court is prejudiced in any way, would you?
I'm not a child, sheriff.
Then you are insinuating.
That'll be ten dollars more for contempt.
I should have known.
That first ten dollars was just a starter.
You have no intentions of letting me go
until you drain me dry, have you?
You're contempted again.
Another ten dollars.
Another ten dollars, another ten dollars.
Why stop there?
Why not see how much I've got
and take it all?
Jesse James would. Why not you?
Lady, you're practically calling justice Taylor a thief!
That's right.
And you've insulted the dignity of my robes.
Now, you got any idea
what the fine is for robe
don't tell me.
Another ten dollars.
No, that's a biggie.
That 'uns $30.
And that brings us up to the grand total of, um...
Deputy, you been keeping track?
Um... well, let's see.
30 and ten and ten and ten is, um...
60. 60.
See how it mounts up?
But in view of the fact
that you undoubtedly spoke without thinking,
we can settle the whole thing for, oh...
$25 ought to do it.
Just pay the deputy.
I will not.
How's that?
I refuse to be railroaded.
I won't pay a cent.
You mean you're pleading "not guilty"?
That's exactly what I plead.
And I demand a trial before an honest-to-goodness judge.
Well, we do have mayor's court.
Fine, mayor's court. I'll appear there.
All right,
and you're entitled to legal counsel
of your own choosing.
We got some fine attorneys here in mayberry.
Barney, is rafe Peterson available?
I don't know, Andy. Things is kind of slow.
Last I heard, he was selling aluminum siding.
That's right, that's right.
She might get Clarence polk, though.
He don't start umpiring ball games till June.
If you don't mind,
I'll pass up these brilliant barristers of yours
and be my own counsel.
Fine, fine.
Uh, there's one thing
that I did forget to mention.
Mayor's court don't take up
till, uh... Tomorrow.
I'll have to keep you in jail.
Very well.
Ma'am, we're not prepared for lady customers here.
Then you're letting me go.
Well, no...
But you sure would save us a heap of trouble
all the way around if you'd just pay the fine.
Sheriff, I have no intention of paying one red cent.
All right.
Be a stubborn female.
I can be just as stubborn.
We'll make accommodations.
Barney, lock her up
and buy some pink towels.
It's locked!
Aunt bee, open up! It's us!
Just a minute.
You can't come in now, we're not decent.
Can't even get in our own office.
It's all right, you can come in now.
Well, thanks a whole lot.
Aunt bee, what's going on here?
Well, Liz is just drying out a few things.
Oh, boy.
Now, what did I do with that list?
Oh, it's in your purse, aunt bee.
Oh... yes, here we are.
Barney, we want these things right away.
Please?
Nail Polish?
O aw, come on.
Aunt bee, it ain't part of our service
to run errands for prisoners.
Well, you've never had a female prisoner before.
Come along, Barney.
Drop me off home.
I have to get running.
Well...
You sure got aunt bee
eating out of your hands, ain'tcha?
Oh, please believe me.
I wouldn't take advantage of her.
It's just that she's a very sweet and thoughtful person.
Mm. She's that, all right.
I think it was very sweet and thoughtful of you
to send her over to take care of me.
You didn't have to.
A female prisoner has to have a matron.
That's the law.
Well... all the same,
I do appreciate it.
I'm sorry.
I'm afraid I've kind of upset things around here.
I'll go along with that.
Honestly, I wish this whole thing had never happened.
Do you mean that?
Well, that makes two of us.
I wish it hadn't happened myself.
I guess it's just a case of too much bull-headedness.
It would seem so.
Look, couldn't we act like grown-ups
and start all over again?
I'm for that.
Oh, good.
Then you let me out,
I'll pay the fine and be on my way.
Now you're talking like real folks.
Old aunt bee and Barney will be surprised
when they come back and find everything's settled.
I should think so.
Shouldn't take me long to pack.
I know you'll be glad to get on the way.
Yeah, this is the way to handle things.
As I recall, the fine was $10.
There you are.
Well, that was the original fine,
but as you recall, the fine is now $25.
Oh, you're not going to hold me to that.
Well, as a servant of the people,
I have to, and the fine is $25.
What were you saying about bull
I was referring to your bull-headedness, not mine.
My...
Let me tell you something, sheriff.
I am going to win this case.
If not here, I'll appeal to a higher court.
If necessary, I'll...Take it to the supreme court!
Suit yourself, lady, but you sure are
taking the hard way back to Washington.
Oh, Barney, I'm glad you're back.
Take over here, will you?
I want to go see Floyd.
I want to alert him to stand by as a witness.
Okay.
Oh, you'll be called on to testify, too,
along with Opie.
That ought to shut the lid pretty tight.
He's got the cards all neatly stacked against me, hasn't he?
Just doing a job, ma'am, that's all.
Thank you.
Uh, tell me...
Did you actually see me speeding?
Oh, ma'am, a witness ain't allowed to discuss the case
with the prisoner he's witnessin' against.
Well, thank you... Sheriff.
Oh, I'm not the sheriff.
That other man is?
Yes, ma'am, he's the high sheriff.
I'm the deputy.
But that's amazing.
I certainly would have guessed
you to be the top man.
Oh, really?
Uh, say...
Would you mind?
Oh, goodness, not only attractive,
but so strong.
Uh, but I guess
you have to keep in shape.
You must face plenty of risks being a police officer.
Yeah, well...
Every time you walk out that door,
don't you wonder if you're ever coming back?
Well, we can learn to live with danger.
Well, your wife must suffer some anxious moments.
I don't have a wife.
You're not married?
I can't believe that a man like you
hasn't been snapped up by now.
Well, I have a girl, Thelma Lou.
Just, uh, one girl?
That's all.
Oh, come on, now, a man like you?
There must be more than one.
Well...
There is juanita down at the diner.
I knew it, I knew it.
And plenty more who'd like to be your girl, I'll bet.
Plenty more.
Not so many as you might think.
I... try to discourage 'em.
Because you don't want them to be hurt.
That's right... if there's one thing I don't want to do,
it's hurt a lot of women.
Say... do you sing?
Hmm?
Well, it just struck me...
You bear an amazing resemblance
to frank Sinatra.
The same magnetism, the same appeal.
Noticed that, did you?
You've been told that before?
No, but... I've noticed it myself.
Frankie and me are sort of birds of a feather, you might say.
Well, I'd like to stay
and chat with you some more, ma'am,
but I got work to do.
♪ It's a quarter to three
♪ there's no one in the place
♪ except you and me...
Aunt bee? I just had a few minutes.
I thought I'd stop by just to see
how the case was coming along.
Oh, good.
Hello, there.
Aunt bee, tell her she can't talk to me.
I'm a witness against her.
He can't talk to you because he's a witness against you.
Oh, I don't want to talk about the case.
I'm, uh, interested in his profession.
You're a barber?
Uh-huh. Floyd's tonsorial parlor.
Floyd Lawson, proprietor.
I'm Floyd Lawson.
How fortunate for me.
Now, I wonder...
Would you mind combing out my hair?
No-no-no, I couldn't...Really...
Well, why not?
Well, I'm a man barber.
I've never combed out a woman's hair in all my life.
No, I couldn't.
Oh, of course you could.
Why, men make the best hairdressers in the world.
If they have the touch.
And I'm sure you do.
I can tell.
Such artistic hands.
Please?
Oh, no, no, no...
I-I... well...
Well...
Oh, he does have the touch.
That's good, huh? An artist.
A real artist.
The court calls the first witness,
Floyd Lawson, to the stand.
Uh, miss crowley,
would you like to start the questioning?
Yes, please. Thank you.
Mr. Lawson,
would you tell us, in your own words,
what happened?
What happened when?
When the prisoner was given a citation for speeding.
You ought to know, you was there.
It's not your turn yet, Andy!
Uh, proceed, miss crowley.
Thank you, your honor.
Not at all. Now, just tell us
exactly what you saw.
Well, now, that's going to be kind of tough,
'cause it's hard to say exactly what I saw,
but, you see, my glasses have just been giving me so much...
I really should have them checked.
Haven't they, aunt bee?
No, Floyd, she's over there.
Oh, come on, Floyd!
Andy, please!
In other words, Mr. Lawson,
you are a man of integrity who,
if he's not sure of what he saw,
refuses to bear witness against a person
who may be... Totally innocent.
Oh, y-yeah.
Oh, I've got a lot of integrity that way.
No more questions.
Your witness, sheriff.
Never mind.
Quiet, quiet.
Quiet, quiet!
Uh, next witness... Barney fife.
Mayor, I'd like to question
this witness first, if it's all right.
Uh, is that all right with you, miss crowley?
Barney...
You're, uh, deputy Barney fife, that right?
That's right.
Would you tell the court in your own words
what happened yesterday?
Well, you and me and Floyd and Opie went fishing.
Did you see a convertible on the road?
Uh, yeah.
Was the defendant driving that convertible?
Yeah.
How fast was it going?
Uh, when it was going by us?
That's right.
Well, Andy, you know, uh,
when a car's going by you and you're standing still,
it's awful hard to tell how fast it's going.
You know, you and me have talked about that a lot.
How fast was the car going when we overtook it?
Well, Andy, by the time we got to it,
it was stopped.
Barney, how fast was the car going
when we was in full pursuit and you was lookin'
at the speedometer, clocking her speed?
Andy, don't you think
we're making a little bit too much out of this?
What was that?
We're making too much out of this.
Yes, I think you're making too much out of this.
Step down.
Call the next witness.
This 'un I'm sure of.
All right, Opie Taylor, take the stand.
Oh, boy, there goes Opie.
Quiet, quiet.
Hi, son.
Hi.
Where'd you get that?
Miss crowley gave it to me.
It's autographed by the New York Yankees.
All of 'em.
She gave it to me for nothin'!
Ain't she a nice lady?
Yeah.
I know when I'm licked.
Will, uh...
Will the prisoner step forward, please?
Quiet. Quiet, folks.
Well, it seems the court can't come up with
a witness against you, miss crowley,
so therefore the case is dismissed.
You're free to go.
Oh, thank you so much.
Thank you, all.
Does my hair...
Well...
Fine day's work.
You've outsmarted justice
and you've made a mockery of this court.
And you've turned three people against me
that I would've sworn would never leave my side.
Oh, I can understand a shiny autographed baseball
turning a little boy's head,
but I am a little disappointed in Floyd...
And I'm real disappointed in my deputy.
He's a law officer and he ought to know better.
Congratulations, ma'am.
Been quite a day's work.
You're all set, ma'am.
Oh, thank you, deputy. Oh, that's all right.
I guess the sheriff is pretty angry, isn't he?
Yeah, I'd say he is.
I suppose you can't blame him.
No, ma'am, you can't.
Look, I'm sorry if I caused a rift between you two.
I didn't mean...
Ma'am, if you're going, would you please just... go?
Andy! She's doing it again!
Well, I'm glad you noticed.
Young woman...
I know, I was speeding and I must pay the penalty.
I guess you know when you're caught dead to rights.
You ain't foolin' with kids, you know.
Let's run her in, Andy.
Well, now, that may not be necessary, Barney.
Andy, don't you go soft.
No, I just believe I know a way
that we can save us some time all the way around.
See, I happen to know
the justice of the peace personally,
and I believe I know the fine that he'd impose,
and I believe that it would be the usual fine for speeding,
ten dollars.
Here you are, sheriff.
Ten dollars.
And 25 more.
25 more?
For the other case.
But the defendant won that case.
By highly questionable methods.
Please?
I'd feel a lot better about myself.
Well, if you'll excuse me a-sayin' so,
I feel a lot better about you, too,
and I'd be mighty pleased if you'd
come through mayberry again sometime.
A little slower, of course.
I'll try to do that.
Real soon.
You know something, deputy?
I still say you bear an amazing resemblance to frank Sinatra.
You know, Andy,
there's one thing you've got to say about this case...
It was a gas.
What are you laughing at?
Oh, something miss crowley said.
What?
Oh, nothing.
Well...see if you can guess.
♪ Quarter to 3:00
♪ there's no one in the place ♪
♪ Except you and me
oh, oh, yeah, that's, uh, uh, uh...
Uh, oh, wait a sec, oh, uh, yeah, yeah,
uh, oh, oh, uh, I don't know the song.